Rita Pierson - My Mamma Said: 2 sets of rules.

I can remember an occasion when two of my students were fighting at school. I mean, they were going at it on the playground. And at the elementary level, children who are fighting have a tendency to get really angry at each other. And if they're little boys, they puff up because that means you're really tough. And so they were all puffed up, you know. And when I got them to the office, I asked them a terrible question and I said, what happened? Well, they got they really hooked up then. And that's really probably the worst question you could ask. Because when you ask what happens, you're never going to get an accurate story. And so I said, okay, you go first. Well, the story gets very loud. I don't know why, but when kids are explaining the stories loud, you may have noticed that. So I said, okay, Jack, what happened? He said, well, see. Well, it's playing. Everybody was playing. It's important to include everyone, so you're not in trouble by yourself. And he said, where's kicking? Everybody was kicking. And then he kicked my cousin. And my mama said, I said, stop right there. Because I knew we were getting into a hidden rule. The mama rule. You see, there's mama law and there's public law. No law overrides mama law. Did you know that? If you didn't know, that's a hidden rule you must remember when your mama says it, it becomes engraved in stone. So I knew what he was going to tell me. I said, your mama said, if somebody hits you hit him back, right? And he said, right. And my mama said if somebody messed with anybody in my family, I said, okay, I know the rules. Stop right there. So I ask him, I said, where's your mama work? And he forgot he was supposed to be hooked up, and he said, had to telephone company. And I asked the other little boy where his mom worked and she said, he said, I Prudential. He was still puffed up. And I said, okay, your mom works at the telephone company. Your mom works at Prudential. Did your mom say you could fight telephone company? Yes, ma'am. She said, bust them up. And I said, did your mom say you could fight? Yes, ma'am. She told me to defend myself. I said, all right. We got the rules straight. And they said, we suspend it. I said, absolutely, because that's my rule. If you fight at school, you get to go home for two days. Well, they were pretty upset with me by this time. I said, but we have to do some things first. He said, well, we have to do. I said, well, first, we're going to go to the telephone company. And their eyes got real big. Because wanted to hear rules about working is that you don't bother your parents on their jobs. And now he first he said, oh, you got to call our mamas. I said no. I'm going to take you over there. And I said, oh, nobody this time to huff and puff was gone. Out of both of them. I said, this is how it's going to work. First we're going to the telephone company. And we're going to fight at the telephone company. I want you to tear up the telephone call. Roll on the floor, Kung fu kick just like you were doing here. But don't hurt each other too badly because we're going to leave the telephone company and we're going over the Prudential. We're going to fight that Prudential. You can really fight over there. That's the last stop. You can rip you can make blood, poor hair, snatch each other's clothes off. I can run you by the hospital, get anything broken set in a calf, push your eyebrow back in your head. Then you can begin serving your two day suspension. They said, miss Pearson, you know we can't fight on our mama job. I say, why not your mama made the rule? Let's go where your mama is. They said, oh, we're dead. We're not gonna make it. And they just, they just go sit on the blue seats outside my office while I call your parents. Tell them we're on our way. Get some boxing strategy in place. So you know how you're gonna fight once we get there. Oh, they were so sad. They just drug out of there. Well, first of all, you know, I wasn't gonna take those kids to their parents. But it was the first time I used a strategy that I've never used before, but I've used a lot since and it has never failed me. When I called each parent, what I said was, I respect the rules you make for your children at home. You see, there has been a misconception that people who have children don't always make the right decisions about their kids. You see, parents make decisions for their children based on what they know. What they feel will make them safe. And it is not our place to say what they do is wrong. It's our place to say, maybe we can add a set of rules that they don't know about. So I begin both conversations by saying how much I respected their decisions that they were making for their children. And would they help me? I said, I know you made rules for home and I promise not to interfere with those. But I need some help. I have 1200 children in this building, and I have to keep all of them safe. And if everybody fought because their mom said they could. All the children here would be in trouble or hurt. Will you help me? I have never had a parent to tell me, no. And I believe it's because I preface it by saying, I respect the rules you've made. And what I give the kids in addition to their parents is an opportunity to develop a second set of rules. Many times to explain this point even further, I've asked parents, would you go on your job and punch a coworker? Because they disagreed with you. And of course, most of them said, no way. And I ask why and they said, we'd lose our jobs. And I said, and I want kids to understand that the same concepts apply on their job, which is school. So we need to learn different ways of handling conflict because fighting is not always an option. Two sets of rules, one set of rules for home, another set of rules for school.