Bob Hale Crusades Report

Horrible history. Amazing visualizations. Hello and welcome to the news at when, when the Middle Ages, a time when the Christian people of Europe decided to go to war with the Islamic people in the Middle East, just because they didn't believe in the same things. Hard to imagine, I know. So here with more details is bob Hale with the crusades report. Thank you, Sam. Well, I'm bob Hale and I'm on a bit of a crusade to tell you all about the crusades, a series of extremely violent religious wars that started nearly a thousand years ago. Yes, the year is ten 95, that right there is Palestine, the Holy Land, and what do you know? Here comes the Pope. Yep, there he is and he's called Pope urban because he's quite street. Sick. No, not really. And he doesn't like what he sees, which is lots and lots of Muslim people, which is hardly surprising since they live there, and it's their Holy Land too, but this Pope doesn't like to share. He decides the entire Holy Land should be reclaimed for the Christians and how does he plan to do this? Simple he says any Christian who goes to fight for the Holy Land will get into heaven, which is the question quite like the sound of. And so began the first crusade, loads of heaven hungry Christians will pop across to the Holy Land, take over and that will be the end of that. Also they thought but turns out this crusading lark is a tricky old business and that's just the journey because many ships back then had a bit of a design problem. Mainly that one. And if you didn't think you'd have to contend with diseases and storms and sickness and mutant sea monsters except not mutant sea monsters or before you got to do any actual fighting. And that was if you could afford to go buy both because many crusaders were just poor peasants who had to walk to the Holy Land. Yet they walked there, which takes a lot longer than going for the shops. Even if you go to the big shops down at the arndale center and not the little one on the corner. In fact, the first crusade took such a long time up with all the walking and sinking and fighting that the Christians ran out of supplies and ended up having to eat some really disgusting things like blood. We turkey quizzes and their bodies, except not turkey twizzlers. They never got that desperate. They'll joke there. Well, I'm Bobby. But despite all these difficulties, the Christians managed to take over huge chunks of the Holy Land, including the great city of Jerusalem, all in just four years. So let's jump down crusades over Christians win so long farewell now for you to say goodbye, right? Wrong, the Muslims went about to take all this lying down. No, no, no. They fight back, conquering the city of edessa. Just there. So what did the Pope do? Yep, you've guessed it. Another crusade in 1147, the Christians rushed back over to the Holy Land, and this time they lose. In fact, they get the pan stressed off of them. So after spending 40 years or so mulling over what to do next, the Christians come up with a groundbreaking new plan. A crusade. Jeff is another one and it's a biggie 1187 and Richard the lionheart who's actually got a lion's heart. Yeah, all right, that's not true. But he's king of England, and he starts a war with Saladin, so that's a war with tomatoes, lettuce, some cucumber. All right, apparently his name Saladin, and he's a Muslim leader who's been building a huge empire over in the Middle East. So king Richard and a load of Christians rush over to the Holy Land then again and a big old fight breaks out. Nothing to do with the Muslims. Oh no. In fact, the crusaders stopped fighting amongst themselves. So half them decided to just call it a day, and go home, leaving poor old dicky boy on his lonesome. Lucky for him, though, Saladin as a jolly nice jab and agrees to a peace treaty. Yes, pieces upon us no more wars, no more crusades, all flowers and love and holding hands, and that is the end of that. No doubt, no diggity, and no questions asked. Also, we thought, but in 1202 another poke the ironically named Pope innocent, yes, really that his name comes up with a bold new initiative. Yep, you've guessed it. It's a crusade. And so we have the fourth crusade. The cheese nothing. Followed by the 5th crusade that achieves nothing. Followed by the sink crusade that achieves nothing. Volleyball is 7th Cruz. Well, we apologize for the technical hitch we appear to have with bob today. We are working to resolve the problem, but in the meantime, we hope you enjoy this. When off on a long crusade, a knight would often take an old woman with him, or as they used to call them and old Crone. Hi. I'm a crusader. Sworn to win back Jerusalem from the Saracen Muslims, slaughtering them in the name of Christianity. It's hard dirty work. That's why when I go on a crusade, I always bring along an old chrome. She might just be an ugly old woman I kidnapped from my village, but old Crone can wash out even the toughest of stains. We compared enslaving an old chrome to not bothering to wash. And just look at the difference. Take old chrome along with you on your crusade and she'll comb those nits out of your hair. She'll even wash it too. Now if Saracen cuts my head off, I know it'll look lovely. And that's not all. Old Crone will even find food and cook it for you. And when there's a food shortage, old Crone really comes into her own. I found some grains of wheat in animal droppings. And the meat is the finest cut of any dead. The vet side. Old chrome. You'll wonder how you ever survived on a crusade without one. Warning old Crone is very old and may not even survive the journey always read the label. Awesome.